So, after an hour of a screaming match that started out as a simple disagreement on where my sister charger has gone, developed into a full on screaming match, making me scrambling to hold onto my sanity, my mother ignoring my increasing panicked voice at not being able to control my actions as I was losing it, and now all my stuff is apparently going to be in the rubbish by evening tomorrow, because I'm a dirty person who lives in a shit pit of a bedroom that apparently needs to be tidied.
So... I'm half delirious with the fact that I can't even begin to try and act normal, I'm shaking, and now panicked that the things that keep me sane, my patterns, my safe place, is going to be stripped and thrown out, like the "worthless junk" that it is.
It doesn't matter how many times I explain it to my parents, but I. Can't. Not. Have. Patterns. If I don't have my patterns, I forget everything. I go into this trance like state, like now kinda. I have no filter, I'm out of it, tired all the time, and in pain constantly, whether it be my stomach, head, bones, or just psychological that won't go away. You can't scream at me for too long, before I snap. You can't try and take my safe place away from me, otherwise I'll snap.
And I'm sooooo close to snapping.
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